NVC » NVC in Personal Growth

Personal growth and Nonviolent Communication

Why is it important? If I would like to be a part of a community or live in a partnership, it is going to be much more fruitful if I have inner clarity, if I am clear with my values, if I can set up my boundaries and if I know where my flexibility ends. 

It is a great issue how I relate to my mistakes.  Do I ignore them or do I let them dominate me by convincing myself how I am.  Graphology, astrology, numerology and similar wisdom help me to understand what my usual patterns and my main characteristics are. l know how important this kind of knowledge is and, at the same time, I consider it equally important to be aware how I am at this moment and what motivates me. 

I it is one thing to say: I shouted at my child because I am an ... (astrological sign) and this is the way I behave.  Or I can say: I shouted at my child because I was really tense and disconnected from myself, I so much yearn at this moment for some peace and space where I can be with myself.

How Nonviolent Communication can support me to understand myself better?

To understand myself on a much deeper level. To clarify what is alive in me at this very moment.  To acknowledge what really bothers me.  One of my favourite examples is, when a mother was speaking about her discomfort in relation to the mess one of her sons was creating around himself.  And when we listened to her and she went deeper, she just realised that tidiness was not so important to her, that her other two children shared much more about their lives with her, but this one hardly spoke about himself.

I am convinced this is happening quite often with the most of us.  One thing bothers us, but deeper, there is a much more important issue.  I have realised recently that whenever I do not drink enough water, it is very rare that I feel thirsty and have a wish for water, but more often I yearn for some chocolate instead.   

Identifying my feelings

Often when I am tense how many things I am suppose to do, I am likely to do insignificant things, instead of doing what is really important.  Why?  Because important things might carry a great challenge, and challenge always contains some fear. Why is it difficult to identify my fear?  Because most of the time it is not rational.  And it is hard to accept it to my mind. 

When I name my feelings I own them. When they owned and motivated me before, I just was not aware of them. 

The process of getting to know myself

In my experience, when I want to understand myself on a deeper level, the most important thing is to acknowledge what I did and I am satisfied with and what I did and I am not satisfied with it.  Whenever I think I am perfect or horrible I am in a trap.  I am a living being and I change moment by moment.  Putting myself in a box will not help to understand myself. 

The other big obstacle for self understanding 

Is my own idea of how I would like to behave or how I should behave?  The stronger these are in me, the more difficult it is to go deeper in understanding myself.  

How do you say it

More than once I have heard "not what you said but the way you said stimulated a lot of pain".  This was a difficult message to deal with.  How can I be fully authentic while I am controlling my tone of voice?  Later on, I have figured out that when I  have lots of self critical thoughts, my head is filled with criticism and these thoughts are influencing my feelings and stimulate lots of negative feelings in me which is taking me to a “please” where I end up having strong aggressive non-verbal messages.

The life which was given to us as a gift  

When I (and each of us) was born, I was given a gift in the form of life.  This is where I have the most control in this universe.  I cannot control anything else as much as my own life. Power always comes with responsibility as well.  So I am the person who is the most responsible for my own life.  Not respecting my own well being is equal to spreading violence on this planet.  

Please watch out when you do criticise yourself again. 

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